I know I haven't written in a while, but I wanted to finally express and let go what I've been feeling.

On August 9th, Markoh gave me a dozen red roses for our 22 months of being together.
I was washing the dishes and he came into the kitchen (I always leave the door open for him) and I saw that he was holding something behing him and then he gave me the roses.
At first I was shocked because the day before he told me he had a surprise for me but I never once thought it would be that.

But then I didn't feel anything, I didn't feel what I should have felt because I was the second girl he gave flowers to. Besides, I only want black roses not red ones because they're too overused. I know it's very childish of me to think of it this way but that's the way my mind is built.

I imagined for me to be the first girl my true love ever gave flowers to.
Ever since I found out that Markoh gave his ex-girlfriend flowers when she broke up with him, as his way of saying he doesn't hold anything against her; I've wanted to so badly get flowers from someone else. I've wanted to get them from someone only a few people know about, and that is: Ichigo. Ichigo is a guy I made up to represent my perfect true love. He is born to make me happy at all costs. I created him when I was in 7th grade due to my despair and loneliness of not having a guy that loved me for what I am.

Every time I find something in Markoh's past that I hold a grudge against, I think of Ichigo and how he would've known the right decision.

I know it's wrong because he's not real but I can't help being deeply hurt.